Men need to carry the weight of the Cornell Seven Conversation

Men need to start having these conversations too. Not because women haven't been loud enough. But because women shouldn't have to be the only ones speaking.

This week, the internet has been alight with another fraternity rape case. A woman legally named as ‘Jane Doe’ entered a frat house to meet a ‘friend’ after a night out, and ended up enduring a rape that reportedly lasted for hours, with seven men reportedly carrying out such act. Her life will never be the same again.

It’s a common occurence for women, and at this point, it’s more of a case of when versus how. A brutal sexual assault story comes out, gets spoken about in the news cycle for a hot minute, and then we forget about it until another one happens again. The weight of these stories often sits on women. Women retweet furiously and unapologetically, telling their own stories of similar, horrific experiences until they are exhausted by having to relive them, and saddened by cases which make their female experience of the world that little bit scarier.

But it’s never enough to prompt actual change.

In the US, an estimated 73% of rape and sexual assault victimisations are never reported to police. At Cornell, where this latest case has unfolded, 15% of students who responded to the university’s 2025 sexual assault survey said they had experienced non-consensual sexual contact since coming to the university. Of those students, only 23% contacted a formal university resource. These numbers are not just statistics. They represent women who are carrying experiences of sexual violence that we will never hear about. And a large part of the problem is that the responsibility for having these difficult conversations, time and time again, falls upon women. It’s women who carry the conversation.

Women form friendships over shared experiences of sexual harassment. It is a language of bonded trauma that sounds like  ‘no way, I also got catcalled on the way to that restaurant too!’ or ‘I also felt too uncomfortable to say no, and I was drunk so I didn’t really know what was happening’. Swapping one liners of sexual misconduct bonds women together, yet it cannot always fall on women to fly the flag of prompting change through their shared experiences.

I have spoken to multiple people this week about this case, both men and women alike. The women have naturally responded with shock and outrage, as one of their worst fears unravels before their eyes, with Florence Pugh perfectly summarising how ‘the fear of rape lives in women’s bodies’. The men on the other hand have not been as vocal, and are often silent in these conversations, uncomfortable, uneasy.  I understand why. The topic of sexual assault is uncomfortable. Men can often feel as though any conversation about sexual violence automatically places the blame at their feet. But the uncomfortable truth is that, when it comes to sexual violence against women, men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators. That doesn't mean every man is a threat. It does mean that every man have to be part of the conversation.  Have an opinion, say how cases like this make them feel. The truth is that the problem is rarely spoken about amongst men themselves despite all this. That is what I find so frustrating.

Without men talking about sexual violence, the conversation turns into a one-sided echo chamber. For change to occur, the conversation needs to be discursive and open amongst both men and women.  Men don't need to become social media warriors, posting lengthy statements about feminism or sexual assault every time another case enters the news cycle. They don't need to perform outrage online for the sake of women. They just need to talk.

Talk to their friends. Talk in the pub. Talk in the fraternity house. Talk in the group chat. Have the uncomfortable conversation when a mate makes a disgusting joke. Say something when a woman is being spoken about as though she is an object rather than a person. Make it clear that consent isn't complicated, and that an unconscious or incapacitated woman cannot consent. Because these are the spaces where attitudes are formed, and this is particularly important when we look at what allegedly happened in this case. Fifty-seven men were reportedly in the group chat connected to the alleged assault. Messages were being exchanged while the woman was being assaulted. Not one of them decided to go up there and stop it. That’s fifty-seven men who could have unearthed the motivations of their friends prior and told them this is not okay, you cannot view a woman as an object to open up to your friends like a shop. One man standing up for women and their rights to consent could prevent more cases like Jane Doe’s.

The question isn't simply how one woman ended up being sexually assaulted. It's how dozens of people could be close enough to what was happening for it to become a conversation in a group chat, and the culture around them allowed that conversation to continue.

We cannot know whether an earlier conversation about consent would have prevented this particular alleged assault. But that doesn't mean those conversations are pointless. Cornell's own task force on sexual assault has recommended mandatory annual, in-person consent and sexual-citizenship training for fraternity and sorority members.  The university itself recognises that preventing sexual violence cannot simply be about what happens after a woman has been assaulted. It has to involve changing the culture around it, too.

This starts with men speaking. It is easy for a university to performatively say this after a case like this, but it really is as simple as the act of speaking. When men speak to other men, they have an opportunity to challenge attitudes before they become actions. They can make it clear that sexual violence isn't something to laugh about, something to turn into a joke in a group chat, or something to quietly watch happen. It is not enough for women to keep shouting about this. We cannot keep waiting for another woman to be raped before we talk about rape again. We cannot keep asking women to tell their stories, relive their trauma and scream into the void until the next case comes along.

Men need to start having these conversations too. Not because women haven't been loud enough. But because women shouldn't have to be the only ones speaking.